I am stuck in a tornado made by myself. I have so much on my mind right now between graduating, prom, scholarships and getting into college. My head is about to explode. I really need a day planner for all the things that are going on. But im focused on so many diferent things I'll probably loose the darn thing. Being a senior sucks right about now. All of my friends in New Orleans graduated already and I'm really hating on them...seriously. Its not fair they no longer have to worry about all the crap I'm worrying about. It's like as the time gets closer its goes slower. I'm not in a rush to go to college im just in a rush to stop stressing. I know its a short post but I just had to try to calm the storm well at least in my mind.
Waiting to hit the ground,
Tay Lin
Thursday, May 10, 2007
Tuesday, May 8, 2007
Letting the Looney Past Go
Im learning something... You can not enjoy your future when the past is constantly calling you on the phone. Red (below) is a part of my future, someone who I want to include in what I have plannned for myself. And then there's Loony he wasn't always loony...okay yes he was but I just didn't wanna see it. He was my first everything. So letting him go has been a very hard task. We've both tried not talking ands just erasing eachother out of our lives but that plan didn't work at all. Eventually we were on the phone again pretending like we didn't have separate lives.
So you know what I've got going, on school, Red, college etc. Loony has a girlfriend also, she's 25 (five years older than him) and has a kid. I do not mind talking to Looney sometimes but sometimes its pointless like when he talks about them shopping for sex toys(that they plan on using every night) or what kind of panties she wears ooor what kind of kinky lingerie he's getting here for Mother's Day!!! What makes him think I want to listen to that shit...ever!!! But this is the thing that gets me...he needs me. He needs me to talk to about the crazy things Mrs.Looney does or when they get into huge fight or when he is suicidal. This is where my issue with my Father comes up because when I needed him most he wasn't there and I feel as though I was the black sheep he just didn't need me in his new life.
I have known Looney for basically 2 years dated him for 1 and the things that he told me on the phone last night made me feel like I'd only just met him during that phone conversation. He basically said that he and his girlfriend got into a big argument and it ended with him being pretty abusive to her throwing her out his house and effing up her car. I sat in a fake suprise, I call it fake because I wanted to be surprised because he had never been that way with me but I couldn't be because I really knew how crazy he had become. And then the icing on the cake was that she stayed with him and he just bought her a $1000 dollar promise ring.(yeah right, its such an engagement ring I just think he doesnt wanna tell me) and she STILL wants to have a kid with him.
So now I am officially through he is not only Looney he is confused. I used to be confused but I'm not any more. My mind is clear, you are not gonna call me at 12 o'clock at night telling me how much you care for me and wanna get back with me one day then tell me how you wanna start a family and eventually marry someone else. I have learned that life goes on and we're NOT gonna be in love with eachother for the rest of our lives. Thats it...I have Red now who is in no way confused or ABUSIVE or LOONEY so its time to let the past go.
Bye Looney, it was fun you gave me alot but you gotta deal with youreself by yourself.
Finally Letting Go (for real),
Tay Lin
So you know what I've got going, on school, Red, college etc. Loony has a girlfriend also, she's 25 (five years older than him) and has a kid. I do not mind talking to Looney sometimes but sometimes its pointless like when he talks about them shopping for sex toys(that they plan on using every night) or what kind of panties she wears ooor what kind of kinky lingerie he's getting here for Mother's Day!!! What makes him think I want to listen to that shit...ever!!! But this is the thing that gets me...he needs me. He needs me to talk to about the crazy things Mrs.Looney does or when they get into huge fight or when he is suicidal. This is where my issue with my Father comes up because when I needed him most he wasn't there and I feel as though I was the black sheep he just didn't need me in his new life.
I have known Looney for basically 2 years dated him for 1 and the things that he told me on the phone last night made me feel like I'd only just met him during that phone conversation. He basically said that he and his girlfriend got into a big argument and it ended with him being pretty abusive to her throwing her out his house and effing up her car. I sat in a fake suprise, I call it fake because I wanted to be surprised because he had never been that way with me but I couldn't be because I really knew how crazy he had become. And then the icing on the cake was that she stayed with him and he just bought her a $1000 dollar promise ring.(yeah right, its such an engagement ring I just think he doesnt wanna tell me) and she STILL wants to have a kid with him.
So now I am officially through he is not only Looney he is confused. I used to be confused but I'm not any more. My mind is clear, you are not gonna call me at 12 o'clock at night telling me how much you care for me and wanna get back with me one day then tell me how you wanna start a family and eventually marry someone else. I have learned that life goes on and we're NOT gonna be in love with eachother for the rest of our lives. Thats it...I have Red now who is in no way confused or ABUSIVE or LOONEY so its time to let the past go.
Bye Looney, it was fun you gave me alot but you gotta deal with youreself by yourself.
Finally Letting Go (for real),
Tay Lin
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