Letting the Looney Past Go

Im learning something... You can not enjoy your future when the past is constantly calling you on the phone. Red (below) is a part of my future, someone who I want to include in what I have plannned for myself. And then there's Loony he wasn't always loony...okay yes he was but I just didn't wanna see it. He was my first everything. So letting him go has been a very hard task. We've both tried not talking ands just erasing eachother out of our lives but that plan didn't work at all. Eventually we were on the phone again pretending like we didn't have separate lives.
So you know what I've got going, on school, Red, college etc. Loony has a girlfriend also, she's 25 (five years older than him) and has a kid. I do not mind talking to Looney sometimes but sometimes its pointless like when he talks about them shopping for sex toys(that they plan on using every night) or what kind of panties she wears ooor what kind of kinky lingerie he's getting here for Mother's Day!!! What makes him think I want to listen to that shit...ever!!! But this is the thing that gets me...he needs me. He needs me to talk to about the crazy things Mrs.Looney does or when they get into huge fight or when he is suicidal. This is where my issue with my Father comes up because when I needed him most he wasn't there and I feel as though I was the black sheep he just didn't need me in his new life.
I have known Looney for basically 2 years dated him for 1 and the things that he told me on the phone last night made me feel like I'd only just met him during that phone conversation. He basically said that he and his girlfriend got into a big argument and it ended with him being pretty abusive to her throwing her out his house and effing up her car. I sat in a fake suprise, I call it fake because I wanted to be surprised because he had never been that way with me but I couldn't be because I really knew how crazy he had become. And then the icing on the cake was that she stayed with him and he just bought her a $1000 dollar promise ring.(yeah right, its such an engagement ring I just think he doesnt wanna tell me) and she STILL wants to have a kid with him.
So now I am officially through he is not only Looney he is confused. I used to be confused but I'm not any more. My mind is clear, you are not gonna call me at 12 o'clock at night telling me how much you care for me and wanna get back with me one day then tell me how you wanna start a family and eventually marry someone else. I have learned that life goes on and we're NOT gonna be in love with eachother for the rest of our lives. Thats it...I have Red now who is in no way confused or ABUSIVE or LOONEY so its time to let the past go.

Bye Looney, it was fun you gave me alot but you gotta deal with youreself by yourself.

Finally Letting Go (for real),
Tay Lin

InpspiRED

Okay let me tell ya'll about somebody moms don't even know about (well kinda). We'll just call him Red. I met Red when I attended Higgins High School (New Orleans, La). I think he was the only good thing that came out of that aggrivating school. Red is tall and he's a football player so he's pretty stocky he has long hair, his skin is a Indian red (caramel color with a red undertone for all ya'll non southern people)therefore he gets the name Red. Red, like any male, has good qualities and bad qualities. He's sweet, funny, crazy(thats good and bad), smart, caring, and talented. On the other hand he's got a temper(but never against me), he likes to drink (not a angry drunk), and he's not graduating from highschool this year(couple of bad descisions in middle school). But honestly despite those things he is some one I would like to spend the rest of my life with. You just can tell sometimes when someone really cares about you and doesn't have any other hidden agendas. One of the things I REALLY like about Red is that he has a P-L-A-N. He wants to go to college and major in engineering. He wants to do what he loves and not do what he has to do to get by. I have been taught all my life that that is something I will never have to worry about if I achieve all my goals. He believes the same.

I'm not even gonna front ya'll when I first met this dude he was last on my list. I mean really I wasn't even kinda interested. But being the nice person that I am I gave him a chance and we got to know eachother. Unfortunately, when we had just decided to start a relationship I found out that I had to move to Columbus, Ohio : ( (Sux 2 B Me). So since I moved up here last year we've been talking ALOT on the phone. He always called me 'wifey' but I got tired of dealing with these a**hole dudes in Columbus and decided to get into a real relationship with him. The long distance thing is really gonna suck exspecially when I move to Florida for school but I just have to stick with it because I know no other guy cares about me as much as he does right now. And whats better then a guy who sincerely cares about you and thats not perfect but perfect for you.

Loving Red Finally,
Tay Lin