Troubled

If you were to bump into me on the streets a couple of weeks ago you would have witnessed the epitome of one of the happiest black women in New Orleans. If you bumped into me now...not so much. (In the words of my mom) Things are spiraling down around me fast, so much so that I feel like I don't have the stregnth to try to stop it. My money is disappearing into thin air, along with my relationship, and my motivation. Bottom line I need a job, it's so much easier said then done. It seems as though everything I want to do in life is laughing in my face and walking away. My dreams, aspirations, and plans just spitting at me and giving me a look of uttmost disgust and repulsion. I am litarally sick to my stomach. One of the people who I love the most is unconsciously pushing me away. And if I were to say inything to let him know of his wrong doing his display of ignorance is replaced with anger, something that I can not and will not tolerate. I demand respect, even from those who are ignorant to the fact that they are not giving it to me. Point, blank, period. But when all is said and done love outweighs alot of cons. And here I am with one hand stretched out as wide as possible, shaking and flicking trying to let go while the other holds on with a grip past death, digging nails and pulsating forward with every slip trying to hold on.
All I can do is put my face in my hands. Stop, trying to figure out where the money is going, and work on getting more. Stop trying to fix him and let God fix him. Stop stressing and pray. Im on the tip of the cliff, with my toes curved over the edge crumbling away the dirt and rocks that wish to be free from the dry ledge listening to the pebbles topple down into the abyss of hoplessness. And all I can do is put my face in my hands, take a deep breathe, and step back.

Trying Again,
Tay Lin